How to Stop Beating Yourself Up for Being “Behind”
Chill Pill Print by Paisley Flamenbaum.
I had originally planned to write this blog post in mid-July. Then in early August. Then in late August. Then early September. And now, here we are in mid-September, and I MAY get to it before fall comes, depending on how my writer’s block decides to behave and how many new surprises pop up in the meantime. We’ll see.
I bet you can relate. I bet you have a list of things you meant to get to earlier, and just didn’t. We all do. Here’s the thing, once upon a time I would have beat myself up and dwelled on missing my deadline. Now, I’m able to take it in stride and appreciate the fact that I’m currently working on a blog post for my own business! I mean - Q: How cool is that?? A: Pretty dang cool!
So, how did I find my chill? What’s changed? The short answer: my perspective.
These days, I’m able to zoom out and see the bigger picture instead of rigidly clinging to old ideas that used to work. It used to be really taboo to not complete your work time, but let’s be honest - the world was a different place when I grew up and the same rules don’t always apply now. On top of that, I’m also a different person.
Here are 5 things that helped me change my perspective (and find my chill):
Realizing things are tougher these days. Two people used to be able to take care of a household comfortably on one 40 hour/week income. Now, most of us are doing double the work (both inside and out of the home). Take into account that we’re all still mentally recovering from the pandemic? We just don’t have the capacity to do the same amount of work because we’re still recovering physically, emotionally, and financially.
Remembering I’m not 25 anymore. I used to be able to work all day and all night, jacked up on coffee - and I used to WANT to do that. Now, I want more time for leisure, friends and family, home upkeep, and taking care of my health (whether I like it or not). This SHOULD change as we age. We aren’t built to go a million miles per hour for 80 years.
Trusting my decisions. Things come up. Items shift in importance - and I get to decide what happens when. Why? Because only I know what’s best for me. I made a film that is getting an unexpected amount of attention (hooray!), and I decided that traveling with it this summer was more important than putting this blog post up “on time.”
Being kinder to myself. I wrestled with a surprise bout of anemia these past few months, and was pretty exhausted on top dealing with multiple blood draws, IVs, and doctor’s appointments. (I’m fine now, BTW.) I could have forced myself to squeeze this in, but I preferred to let my body rest.
Lowering my bullshit tolerance. By modern society’s standards, I “should” have worked through my exhaustion, but let’s be honest - that’s nonsense and I’ve decided not to adhere to that garbage. Does following my own path mean things are sometimes a little harder? Yes. Do I have faith that doing what I think is right will pay off in the end? Also yes. Do I love the word yes? Yes.
If you find that you’re beating yourself up for “missing deadlines” or not being where you think you “should” be, ask yourself the following questions:
Is my goal reasonable based on the state of the world around me?
Is my goal reasonable based on the state of my life and health?
(Friendly reminder: this includes mental health too.)
If a friend or loved one was dealing with the same circumstances, would I be talking to them the same way I’m talking to myself?
Can I cut myself some slack based on the fact I’m in a new part of my journey and still learning new things?
Don’t forget - shifting your perspective and being kinder to yourself is part of saying Yes to You.